A seasoned therapist and professor of mine once told us in a lecture that he sometimes asks his clients: do you want to just feel better or do you want to actually get better?
I remember being a little taken aback at what felt to me at the time like a bald-faced confrontation. Wouldn't that be an accusation that some clients are only in it for the short-term relief and not for true improvement of self or betterment of their situation?
My professor, however, continued on to instruct us that that's not necessarily the case. That the question is not a rhetorical question meant to judge, but rather an opportunity for the client to make an honest assessment of their needs and goals for therapy, and an opportunity for the therapist to understand where the client is emotionally and mentally at that moment.
Different Seasons for Different Goals
Sometimes we're in a season of self-improvement: the air is clear, our heads are clear, our hearts are determined, and we're ready to make changes toward better mental health or improved communication in relationships. We find ourselves ready to break free of old thought patterns to create new ways of interacting with the world around us. Whether by choice or by circumstance, life has presented a fork in the road and we're ready to take a new path toward emotional and mental well being.
And other times, we're drowning and just trying to find ways to keep our heads above water. It's not the time to make big changes in life; not just yet. We need coping strategies to manage anxiety or depression, ways to salvage a relationship that's hanging by a thread, or just a place to vent our frustration or anger or sadness or loneliness. Sometimes therapy is a welcome respite for isolation or exhaustion.
Getting Help
Both are completely valid. I hope if you're reading this, you feel an invitation whether you're in the first season or the second, ready to make big changes or just needing a place to feel safe. Therapy can be a place for nonjudgmental curiosity toward what's going on with you that can ultimately bring relief, peace, change, and healing. If that's where you're at, please reach out today.
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