Seeing Real Change In Therapy: Consistency Matters

Many people begin therapy because of some type of crisis--a relationship is falling apart, health issues have led to spiraling mental and emotional pain, their child is acting out of control. There are so many reasons why someone may reach out, and many clients, by the time we are on the phone or meeting for the first time, are at a fever pitch emotionally and desperate for help.

Then counseling begins, and there's relief. Immediate relief sometimes, because just the fact that you're doing something about the problem can make you feel much better. Or because a couple in conflict finally is able to have a safe place to hash out their argument. Or because you just needed a shoulder to cry on, and that first session brings a huge sense of release.

Many clients feel that first taste of relief, and because it is worlds better than the pain and hopelessness they had been experiencing, they feel convinced that they are better. I've seen it countless times, where a couple will come into couples therapy, have a few emotionally cathartic sessions, and then feel that their issues have been resolved because they feel a sense of safety in their relationship that has been absent for a long time.

Unfortunately, most of the time, the relief is temporary. Once the initial safety or reassurance that comes from starting therapy wears off, the original issues reemerge. My supervisor gave me a great mental picture for this: therapy is more effective if you think of it as physical therapy, rather than as an emergency room. Yes, we do emotional triage sometimes. But only when necessary, and the effects are temporary. If you want lasting change, you have to put in the work through consistent effort to make change. And that's the great thing--change is so possible! But lifelong emotional, mental, and relational habits will not change overnight. I would love if they did, believe me. But safety, insight, repetition, and corrective emotional experiences are what changes how we think, feel, and act. And that takes place over time.

So, if you're wanting good outcomes out of therapy? My number one recommendation is find someone that feels like a good fit for you, fits into your budget (yes, it's an investment, but a worthwhile one), and then be consistent. If that means twice a month, so be it! But being consistent at the front end will bring better results, and probably will even save you money in therapy over the long term because you won't have to come back and start all over.

If you want to explore what therapy with me looks like, fill out this contact form and let's chat!